Thursday, July 23, 2009

the epitome of stubborn

I know she's cute. And she says the darn most adorable things all the time, but good gracious this girl has a mind of her own!

We have officially finished our three days of intense potty training and honestly, I don't think we are one step closer. The girl knows what to do, she's not afraid of the potty and is more than verbal enough to tell me.
She just. doesn't. want. to.

No way, no how. We have done stickers, prizes, jelly beans. You name it, we have tried it, but she wants nothing to do with us asking her, suggesting, nothing. She has to want to do it or she won't. She knows the difference between wet and dry, clean and dirty. She knows how to sit on a big potty, a little potty. She can even take off her clothes and put them back on correctly.

She just. doesn't. want. to.

This has left me in a predicament. I know she is capable. I know she can do it. Do I put her back in diapers? Do I got the pull up route which she treats like diapers? Or do I keep bugging the daylights out of the poor child telling her a million times to "tell mommy when she has to go potty?" I truly am at a loss at what the right thing to do is.

Tonight I had an idea. She's 2. Surely I can out smart the kid, right? Here's my thought.... tell me what you think. She HATES being dirty. We constantly have to have a napkin when we eat, a wet wipe when we paint, so on and so forth, yet she has no problem tinkling in her pants and not telling me because she knows I will make her go potty. She won't tell me if she is wet or dirty even though she knows what that means.

She just. doesn't. want. to.

To me, this means it's reverse psychology time. My plan is to put her in panties and pants. I'm not going to ask her to tell me, or ask her if she has to go, or set a timer, none of it. I am going to totally ignore her in all regards to the potty and let her have an accident. And when she has an accident, I'm just not going to say anything about it. I figure pants will be more uncomfortable wet than if she was just in a dress, but I am totally going to put the ball in her court and let her come to me. I know her and I know she won't like feeling wet. I have never let her stay wet long enough for her to be uncomfortable because I am constantly checking to make sure she is dry and running her to the potty. I am going a totally unconventional route. She's an unconventional girl, what else is to be expected. I am giving her a logical consequence... you tinkle in your pants, you are wet until you tell me, then I will help you solve the problem.

It might not work but I don't know what else to do to get the girl back into the game and I really feel like we made too much progress to go back to diapers, so it's worth a shot. And if you don't like my plan, please don't call DFACS on me. I promise to bathe her and clean her all up after my experiment is over and I won't let her sit around in her dirty undies all day or anything, but I want to see what she will do if I just leave her alone!

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Emily said...

My goodness! You could not have more accurately described my daughter, who is also 2 years old! We are struggling with the EXACT same behaviors and problems! Thank you for sharing your journey and letting us know we are not alone!

As my mom always tells me, she will not go to college peeing in her pants!

adamandem at yahoo dot com

Alison said...

You know I'm with you on this girl--I say go for it. It will eventually click in her mind, especially when it makes sense for her.

Danielle said...

We had the same issues w/ our 1st son. I did the same thing...made him wear pants..and then I also made him change himself and clean himself up. He got very tired of having to do this and after about 2days he finally decided he'd rather spend the time going potty than changing his own clothes (no help from mom at all)

Jon and Melissa said...

I hate pullups b/c they are glorified dipes. I have never known one person to use them and end up w/ a potty trained kid. There is always delays w/ pull ups. With Easton we went straight to undies and yes, we had accidents but he felt them. You say she is ready but is she?? If she is ready she would be telling you and going. I know it is hard. I thought Makenlee was ready and all she wanted to do was sit on the potty. But now she is still somewhat interested but not consistent yet. When I potty trtained Easton I read a bunch and there is a diff. bwtn the child being potty trained and wanting it and the parent wanting them to be potty trained. Who is training who?? I like to say we are going through potty education. Talk about, showing her, trying it. etc. But until she can go by herself and tell you and wanting to be trained she isn't really trained. I don't mean to be Donna Downer....

Katie said...

I did the same things with Delaney that you are doing with Gracie. When Delaney was exactly the same age as Gracie, we tried to potty train so when Hadley was born, we wouldn't have to worry about it. Same thing, she was verbal, smart, was using the potty when asked to do so BUT would NOT tell us when she had to go which caused tons of accidents. I finally pulled the plug one day because I just felt that it was causing more stress than it was worth and I didn't want to cause any harm to Delaney. So we waited until Hadley was 2 months old & tried again. It only took 2 days to get her to tell us she had to pee & about 2 weeks with the pooping. It was MUCH better. I feel it went better because she was TRULY ready. No matter how many books you read or how many people you talk to, sometimes only Gracie will know when it's time. Just take a deep breath & try not to worry. She will be potty-trained soon enough.....

GranolaMom4God said...

Good luck with your potty training! my first one--it was a challenge. We had to make two goes at it. The second one, i just realized that i put underwear on him and there has been no turning back. now this third one--time will tell. Thanks so much for sharing about your friend on my blog. yea. Shock. i still can't stop thinking about Zach today. no, the car wreck was in Indiana.

Katie said...

I have to agree with the other posters. Mary E is one of the smartest kids you will meet, but I tried consistently for months to get her to go on her own. Maggie B was born and I gave up for a while, until she was right at 3. Tried again and she got it right away. When they're ready they're ready. It's not a matter of intelligence and you can't will them to do it. I'm not even really trying with Maggie B yet.

Diana said...

haven't tried with Maiella yet. I will in a couple of weeks when we are home for a while. Too many trips lately. Your idea sounds good. Try it and see if it works. I agree with the others, don't make your life too miserable if it's not clicking. I had someone tell me that you don't see any 18 year olds not potty trained!!! Jake took a few tries. He didn't want to do it the first two tries. So, I took a break for a few weeks or so and then the 3rd time he did it pretty much on his own and had very few accidents.

Anne said...

Sass sounds so much like my little girl. We've done undies outside a little bit and she peed a little, was upset she was wet, and as I found out after I put a pull-up on her, she stopped herself from peeing any more.

She holds it a long time and she will frequently tell me when she has gone, but she won't tell me before she goes. It's like she doesn't know what to do on the potty or she's scared to relax and let it go. When we've put her on the potty when she's obviously about to poop, she holds it in for hours longer and is not a happy girl until it's out.

I'm torn between lots of time in undies outside and letting her feel wet...or stepping back and just putting her in diapers all the time. Maybe diapers with a piece of flannel in them so she feels wet.